Gathering the Guys: Why showing Up Matters
by Jim Kraus
When presented with the opportunity to attend a church event, men tend to fall into three distinct groups. The first group will reply most quickly: “Free food? When? Where? I’m there!” They are content to mingle and talk while eating and are happy doing so.
The second group is made up of those who consistently attend any church functions aimed at them. Volunteer clean-up? They’re there. Parking lot helpers? Always on duty with a smile. If food and fun are involved, they will surely show up with an even bigger smile.
It’s the third group of men that I’m talking to in this post.
If my father were presented with an activity or event that didn’t instantly spark personal interest, he would snort “nah” and move on with a dismissive wave of his hand. I suspect the apple (or acorn) has not fallen far from the tree.
I recently celebrated my birthday—it wasn’t exactly a milestone birthday, but once you get to a certain age, they’re all milestones. While I seldom check Facebook, my wife informed me that I had over 50 birthday wishes on that social media platform. Honestly, I didn’t think I even knew 50 people, so to say I was surprised would be an understatement.
According to the Internet (and as we know, everything on the Internet is true), nearly 10 percent of men over 65 have no close friends. Zero. That was a surprise to me. Many of us have a relatively small group of friends, and that number can decrease with each passing decade. Think back to your high school years—you may have ‘known’ hundreds of people then. The years have a way of winnowing that number.
Life gets busy. People move away. Priorities shift. And before we know it, our once vast network of friendships has narrowed to just a handful. Think back to your high school or college years. You probably had hundreds of acquaintances and a solid cohort of close friends. Fast forward a few decades, and that list looks much different. It’s not just you. It’s all of us.
Now, full confession: I’m a textbook introvert. I’m not actively seeking out more names to add to my contacts list. So, if you’re wired like I am, this post might feel a little uncomfortable. And that’s okay!
Because here’s the thing: even for introverts, moments of connection matter. Showing up matters. A handshake, a shared laugh, a familiar face at church—those little interactions can carry more weight than we realize. They remind us that we’re not alone. A simple conversation or shared experience could be the first step toward something bigger. Community is built one familiar face at a time. Sometimes, that quiet connection is precisely what we didn’t know we were missing.
No one is promising that a men’s event at church will change your life or land you a new best friend. But at the bare minimum, it could give you someone to nod to during the message next Sunday. And sometimes, that’s a powerful start.
Plus—let’s be honest—when there’s free food, that never hurts.
Jim Kraus is a longtime writer and editor who has authored or co-authored more than 20 books, both fiction and nonfiction. His best-selling humor book, Bloopers, Blunders, Jokes, Quips, and Quotes, was published by Tyndale House Publishers, sold more than 40,000 copies, and inspired several spin-off titles. In addition to his work as an author, Jim serves as a home group leader at LCC, where he enjoys building community and encouraging others in their faith journey.